fear again

Why do we exist?Well no reason I suppose,just to leave it all.Just to come and whither away some day.You realise the brutality of life when you see that the purpose just doesnt exist.I just did.It may seem to be the most endless moment,everything rushes past from where you watch.Hands shaking,blinded eyes,sorrowed heart.No fear of death takes over but when you look at the mirror with retrospect you would see the face of death in your own eyes.That is when the stare freezes you over.When your spine chills,when your thoughts black out.All this misery and suffering only for the fear of death.Is this the real purpose?
TO be afraid of dying our whole life and then in the forgetting to live our life.It s almost as if we were already dead just waiting to be cremated some day officially.I have always thought that belief would lead the way to the truth but when the beliefs are shaken,thoughts are threatened then the simplest solution is...Just close my eyes and drift away into eternity with no goodbyes,no last looks,no reality...

fear

If nothing is permanent in this life,if everything is fleeting and subject to change and decay,if existence is suffering and we are born to die,how can we there be any happiness?I enjoy using this bowl because it is already broken.I drink my tea from it everyday.
I enjoy the shape and the texture of it in my hands,and when light strikesit's surface,it shows up it's rich coulours.But if i should accidently drop it,it will be smashed into pieces.Yes,ofcourse.But knowing it to be already broken,I appreciate it's presence,the life of it,at every moment.
So too is with this body,I know it is already dead,So where is fear?I live each moment fully for itself...

cant think

hey...this is my first blog and i cant seem to think wat to write in it...wen i read other people s blogs i was filled to the brim with ideas for what could be written but now i realise it aint that easy.It s easier to critisice though...which i suppose am good at.
I m Vishwas,a not so honest,not so happy about life(not mine but life as a cycle),not so extravagant,not so hilarious....basically a "not so" guy.The kinda guy you wuldnt even notice on the street(think i could become some undercover agent someday...not for our government though).I m 20 but dont feel 20.
Now the only part in my life which is a "not so" is my college.It sucks(in it s own way).So my papers got over yesterday.Cant even remember how they went.Had a bash yesterday with friends where we get drunk and then talk "shit to the limit"(but that is what we do when we are not drunk).We get drunk and talk about how we didnt get the girls in school,then we talk about how we didnt get the girls in college and then we conclude how we would never get the girls.Most of the time i am telling them that they would die virgin too(no comments about me here).
So here i am..with all the time in the world to spend...